grief

driving slowly -
all right, not so slowly -
out to village street
wave to the twins
playing basketball in their driveway
they wave back
but i don't think
they know
me

clutch, brake, blinker
look, clutch, gas
thinking
about the
muted yellow
bundle
in the passenger seat
the green-sweatshirted
someone
in the whitish-grey house

sun through the windows
wind in my face
i can't stop smiling
coming up on cottage street
hey!
i want to show...

oh.



right.

my grammy will never see my prom dress.

paranoia

today i went to go find my car after school and i couldn't exactly spot it right away in the parking lot even though i craned my neck a little to try to see where it was. i guess i should grow taller... anyway, i was giving a guy i know a ride to work so i needed to find my car, and soon, and i couldn't find it even after craning a little (did i say i craned my neck to look?) and guess what i assumed?

i had a little panic attack inside (and when that happens my little personality runs around inside my cranium and makes her hair all messy with her hands and pounds on my brain case with her little fists and jumps up and down spastically yelling 'gaaaaaaa'! - which is really quite annoying, and a little disconcerting - but you'd never know that she does that because she's actually very quiet due to the soundproof insulation system i recently installed in my skull).

and i assumed that i had forgotten my car on my kitchen table with my coffee cup.

i should probaby write things down

this morning, i made a note to myself - a real note, not a mental note because i don't really know where those little mental notes go, but i think that the mental sticky notes i bought at the local mental Staples don't quite stick to my cerebrum correctly and when i run around they must fly out my ears or something because whenever i go rummaging through that mental basket labeled 'mental notes' on my mental desk in my mental office, i can never find those little mental notes. i can't find them anywhere. so i think they come out of my ears - anyway, this morning i made a note to myself, but it wasn't about what to write in this blog post - that was, foolishly, a mental note - and so, i guess, i should probably write things down

(c) Emma Gay 2010

it's almost Friday!

As if. Anyway, this makes me laugh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDm6iKH38C0&feature=channel
This too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqVBKO_QM3o&feature=channel
And this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIpwJGcQqyo&feature=channel

Happy almost Friday!

they say

they say,
'absence makes the heart grow fonder'
(like that's a likely sentiment)
that love will grow
as distance grows
that love will thrive
in space

they say,
'out of sight, out of mind'
(but they're the shallow, hollow type)
that love will die
when passion dies
that love won't last
too long


they're wrong.

what if i die

with every
decision) there are
quite a few

things

that could go
terribly
awfully
mostly very badly

wrong
so i've

decided

not to decide things
(so

what if
i die?

let there be Light

once I thought I wondered why
the sky is blue and babies cry -
once I thought I had to know
why dirt is brown and white is snow -
once I thought I wondered Who
could dream up things like me and you

but Things just Are, and they Will Be -
with no regard for thinking me -
I cannot know how Things were made -
from grain of sand to green grass blade -

I was not there to see Things Be -
and Things don't Grow with help from me -


all I've heard about Things' birth
cannot be tried while on this Earth

what you believe I cannot say -
we two can't Prove It anyway


"The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof"