Sunday, October 31, 2010


to write stories
to write poetry
to write words
is to write for yourself
and who cares what they think

to write a story
to write characters
to write a novel
is to write for the reader

i couldn't do it.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

soap in the linen closet

Today, I went to the linen closet and pulled out my afghan, and it made me cry a little bit.
My grammy made that afghan.
I brought the thick, purple blanket to my nose, hoping I could smell something of her in it, but it just smelled of soap and laundry detergent.
I tried to remember what her voice sounded like, tried to hear her laugh or say "Hi, dahlin'," like she used to, but the memory of the sound was just an echo, just beyond my reach.
So I thought of what the kitchen smelled like when she made macaroni and cheese, and how she wanted the sunroom painted red, even the ceiling. I thought of the knitting bag she used to keep by thr rocker, and that gray shirt she had with the pink flowers all over it. I thought of the games of solitaire. I thought of the puzzles on the table. I thought of her lavender-colored sneakers that she wore because they were so light and comfortable.
I thought of how she never wore socks.
And then I remembered how, one night almost a year ago, she sat on my couch - that one, right there - laughing and talking and admiring our Christmas tree. She was so happy and lovely and she looked almost as radiant as she usually did when she hosted a big family holiday. When she left, I gave a her a hug and said, "I love you."
The next morning, she was gone.
So today, I bury my head in my afghan, which doesn't smell much like anything anymore. I wish I could remember better. I wish we didn't keep soap in the linen closet. I bury my head in my blanket and cry.
My grammy made that afghan.

Inspiration closet

this morning, i looked in my Inspiration closet to find something, anything, to write about.
there's an old blue sweatshirt, which i'm sure isn't mine, and a new pink blouse, which i'm pretty sure is.
there's a snickers wrapper, from last Halloween, and ahomework assignment, misplaced last Monday.
there's a big cardboard box with a stain on the side and a pile of blankets that aren't stained yet.
there's a pair of black tap shoes, girls' size four, and a sparkly headband, one size fits all.
and then i saw it, way behind everything else. my Insiration.
it was a big, heavy, hulking thing - maybe a person? i couldn't tell - all dark and mysterious in the corner of the closet.
i reached back to grab it, to pull it out into the light, but i couldn't quite reach it, no matter how far i stretched.
so i crawled right into my Inspiration closet.
i crawled right up next to my Inspiration, wrapped my arms around it, and pulled with all my might. i threw my entire body weight against it, struggled and heaved until i was too tired even to breathe, but it was just too heavy for me to move from its spot. it seemed to have a mind of its own, and the harder i pulled, the more it resisted.
so i crawled back out from my closet floor, put my hands on my hips, and said,
"all right, Inspiration. i don't need you."
then i went downstairs
and i wrote this.
it's terrible.
but i did it by myself.

Monday, October 18, 2010


once upon a time there was a boy and a girl
there was something about love
and maybe something else
(i can't remember)
but anyway, they lived happily ever after.

oh, wait.
that's not how it ended...

Saturday, October 16, 2010


i don't want you back.
just to clarify.

for sanity's sake

my heart aches
and your little smiles
and subtle hints
and guarded words
do nothing.

man up.
come out
and say it.

"i'm sorry"

Thursday, October 14, 2010


my hands move up and down the walls
up and down the long dark walls
trying to find a hole, a light
something to break through this deep, dense night
my hands move up and down the walls
up and down the long dark walls
a lightswitch! a flicker! a sunbeam! a blaze!
a something to light up this darkness to day!
but you yank my hand from that precious switch
and throw me down to the floor again

how does one use literary criticism?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

if i never see your face again

it's happiness without the heartbreak
it's symphony without the song

Monday, October 4, 2010

"i am in misery
there ain't nobody who can comfort me
why won't you answer me?
the silence is slowly killing me
(oh yeah)"

Sunday, October 3, 2010

in the Words

(of Satan)

Most of the time, I look at you and laugh.
You fall for it every time, you stupid, stumbling fool.
You cannot see
You cannot see
You CANNOT see
That every time you fall, you get up again weaker than you were before.
It's so easy to tempt you down that road you call "free will"
When I'm just drawing you into my worldwide plan of ultimate rebellion.
So your pain delights me
Your sorrow gladdens me
Your anguish amuses me
I laugh at you. "God's child" indeed.

(of God)

Most of the time I look at you and cry.
You turn away every single time, you beautiful, blessed child.
You cannot see
You cannot see
You cannot SEE
That my love and faithfulness are ever poured out upon you.
You drown yourself in selfish sin that in the end leaves you dripping with pain.
My heart aches with you, my beloved.
So I will follow.
I will pursue.
I will rescue.
I love you. And one day sin will reign no more.

Friday, October 1, 2010