i miss you

you know, you're not anywhere, but you're everywhere.
you're not at your locker at the end of the hall. i can't whack you with my water bottle on my way to mr. notidis's room. but the locker still sits there - empty - mocking me when i glance at it hopefully - pathetically - as i walk by to class.
you're not in the hallway on my way to the gym, always seeming to walk faster when you're behind me and slower when you're ahead. i can't wait for you at the gymnasium doors anymore. but the hallway is still there, whispering in my ear that it feels emptier than usual.
you're not on the playing field. you're not in the cafeteria. you're not in a classroom. you're not at school. but i look for you anyway, and, even though you're not there, i see you everywhere.
i just don't see you.

look, you can't just leave me here.

you promised.

and this rings true

"may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone"

write you the world

If I could write you the whole world -
my whole heart -
I would
I want to say something -
anything -
everything -
I want you to feel
what I feel
where you are


But mostly I miss you
I just want to see you -
I just want to hold you -
talk to you -
kiss you -
Mostly I love you
and I want to know you


I want you to know me
for all that we are.

ouch. - a nonfictional drabble of 100 words

today was the seniors' last real day of school. most of them won't be coming in for finals.
i'll miss them. i think i will cry.
it just doesn't seem fair that so many people who've been such a big part of my life can disappear in an instant, and take everything i've ever invested in them, everything i've ever valued about them, away with them when they leave.
i didn't realize this until just a little while ago, but i really love them.
i love them.
this hurts.
what's the point of loving someone you know is almost gone?

sing to me

i'm that star up in the sky i'm that mountain peak up high hey i made it mmm i'm the world's greatest i'm that little bit of hope when my back's against the ropes i can feel it mmm i'm the world's greatest

aftershock

tug at the zipper
(it's stuck)
(it gives)
miles of yellow satin
fall to the floor
the glamour
and sparkle
of one single evening
are lost in its folds

what i KNOW is
how i THINK is
what i FEEL is
how i ACT

well, i love you
so what do we do now
?

in case my heart got left behind...

don't let your EMOTIONS
dictate what you THINK
use what you KNOW
to control how you FEEL

happy mother's day

we planted the wisteria as a gift. it grew up around the crosshatched archway, weaving in and out in a mass of green life. but that was the problem. it was only green.

we planted another one, on the other side of the arch. now two vines framed the entryway, growing and gracing the wooden frame with twisted, sprawling limbs. but the entire mass of leaves and branches was green. just green. that wisteria just wouldn't bloom.

we planted the wisteria as a gift. it took it about ten years to start making flowers. the day the first bud appeared, a splash of purple in a sea of spring leaves, my grammy smiled.

so every year we asked about the wisteria. we'd walk in the door and ask, "grammy, how many?" even though we could have walked around back and counted the blossoms ourselves. but she'd tell us. she'd counted. she knew. last year i think there were five.

my grammy loved that wisteria. every year she watched and hoped that maybe this year we'd get more flowers than before. considering the enormity of the vine, it was usually a pretty meager turnout, but my grammy just loved to see those little purple clumps in her wisteria bush. she loved to watch them and count them and tell us about them.

my grammy died this past december. she'll never count the blossoms on her wisteria again. so i guess now i'll have to do it myself. but this year, that will be a harder task than ever. i don't even know if i can count that high.

this year, the wisteria is blooming.

it's a beautiful day for a run

there's a squirrel in the road, gray and furry with red insides spilling out and mashed into the asphalt. little black flies are humming furiously around the mushy carcass.
it doesn't have a head.

ap euro

DEAR JESUS, HELP ME KNOW HISTORY!

forever young

look
i'm fine
(in fact, better than usual)
i mean
it is
my life
and i'm happy here

i don't want this pressing feeling
that shows up when i least expect it
i don't want that strange sensation
that someone's watching me and i can't control it
i don't want the dreaded knowledge
that i'm responsible for all my actions

i told you
i'm fine
i'm me
and i'm happy

won't you just leave me
alone?

i

i wish that i could read your mind
because
i want to know what's going on
in there

are you thinking
what i'm thinking
?

Athletic Training @ James Madison University

yeah... my future job is pretty cool.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw3RHKTkBMk